You Need No Approval to Follow Your Passion – Part of Chapter IV of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion” 

You Need No Approval to Follow Your Passion – Part of Chapter IV of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion” 

 One of your greatest limitations to discover and follow your passion can be the belief that you need approval. Approval by your loved ones and others in general. Do you really need approval? No. Instead, what you really need is love. We want and need to be loved by others, to feel we belong. The problem is that we confuse approval with love. This means that we have adopted the limiting belief that “Approval brings love.”

The truth is that you don’t need to be approved to be loved. By approval, I mean accepting and buying into other people’s beliefs and opinions. This is called social judgment, which generates a fear of social judgment. This is one of the greatest fears that has stopped people from discovering and following their passion because our social milieu (e.g., family, friends, partner, colleagues, employer, acquaintances, the society we live in) has a big impact on us. Remember, we are social beings, and we need to feel loved and part of a community. “My beliefs and actions should be approved by others” is a common thought you might have when you want to be loved.

Additionally, the fear of social judgment includes two more popular fears: fear of public speaking and fear of feedback. Did you know that most people perceive them as life-threatening? At the end of the day, when you are judged by others, especially by many, chances are that not everyone will like you or agree with your opinion. It’s inevitable. Why? Because people like people who are like themselves. The problem? Every person is unique, so the diversity of personalities across the globe makes it almost impossible for everyone to like you!

And it’s absolutely okay! Don’t try to put on a façade, a mask, to hide yourself and your weaknesses. Just be yourself. Authenticity will be appreciated and go a long way. As for the feedback, never take it personally. On the contrary, see it as a unique opportunity for you to learn more about how others perceive you and what things you can work on and improve. It’s a unique doorway to your personal growth and transformation. You’ll also need it for you to both clarify your next career steps and have a successful career transition.

As for the costs of social judgment, they vary and can be detrimental to both your professional and personal success and happiness. From being in a relationship or a marriage either to satisfy your family’s requirements or for the sake of your social image, to following a career with no opportunities that will lead you to be truly fulfilled and passionate at work and make the impact and income you want and deserve, fear of social judgment can have a significant impact on your life.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not realistic,” “Are you serious? It’s not going to work,” and “What’s the matter with you?” are just a few expressions that you might have heard from your milieu. When you take the life-changing decision to make your passion and work one and the same, be aware that not everyone will be okay or happy with that.

In fact, very few people will be okay, and most of them won’t because, first, people don’t like change even though it’s part of the dynamic nature of life. They look for security to protect themselves from suffering whereas true security comes from the previous realization that pain is not suffering.

Plus, people are used to seeing and thinking of you in a specific way, a label they’ve put on you. When you break this label, not only do you create confusion and discomfort, but you can actually make them feel bad. Why? Because you give them a vivid example of what is possible: that they can actually choose to be happy and passionate at work and can discover and make a living at their passion. This insight can hit the nail on the head. It’s a strong reminder that they settled and compromised for a “not-so-bad,” “not bad,” “good,” “so-so,” or “average” career and life instead of an extraordinary one.

Another reason why people negatively judge your decisions is that they have expectations about you. In other words, they have an agenda for you. This applies especially to parents. They care for their children, so, naturally, they try to protect them. How? By giving them what they think is good career advice based on financial security (i.e., work is for money) and self-worth (status and prestige). That’s also the reason why my father gave me three options for a career: lawyer, engineer, doctor. Good money, high status. Sound familiar?

Never go for status. Because, as we’ve already underlined, no title can define your worth and value as a person. You define your value! As for the money, go for your passion and money. That means you need to find ways to add value to others through your passion. That’s how you will not only get paid but also maximize the chances of reaching your true financial potential. We’ll dive into this in the F.R.U.I.T.S. system later on.

Moreover, there are parents who expect their children to follow the career they followed or dreamed of following. Typical examples include business owners who want to keep their business going and “in the family,” established freelancers who want to pass on their clientele to their children, or any parent who has any unattained dream. “Well, at least my children will do it for me,” they might think.

If you are a parent, first of all, congratulations! Being a parent takes a lot of courage, dedication, and commitment to your children. It’s a full-time job itself! It’s not easy. No one taught us in school “how to be a great parent.” But listen to this very carefully:

It’s your duty to set aside your ego and personal interest and to love your children unconditionally. A great and simple way to do this is to stop having any expectations or agendas for them. Let them become who they want to become. Be with them, not over them. Be a great listener, not a speaker. Be a fellow traveler on their passion journey, not an authority. This way, they’ll be happier, healthier, and wealthier. Does this make sense to you?

Then let it go and be a part of their “dream team”—and if you’re not in, you’re out. Plus, give them this book as a gift. This way, you’ll make sure they will know what you know now and that they’ll encourage and support their children (your grandchildren!) to discover and pursue their passion. That’s also how we can make this world a better place. More of this later. Meanwhile, remember:

“Someone’s opinion does not have to become your reality.”

– Les Brown –

That’s right. You don’t need approval to be loved. In fact, that’s how true love is: unconditional. That means that people love you for who you really are. They love you as a whole being, not because of your opinion in politics, the economy, or personal relationships. Sharing common opinions and interests will make them like you, not love you. You are so much greater than just the sum of your opinions. People who truly love you appreciate you for your inner wealth, not because you feed their ego by agreeing with them and reinforcing their opinions. How can people appreciate who you really are? By you being who you really are. Be authentic. Be yourself. So, the truth is that “authenticity brings love.” Let’s reframe our mindset on this right now:

 Reframe:

• Approval does not bring love.
• Authenticity brings love.

Feel free to pre-order the “Find Your Passion” book to transform your career and life by visiting my personal site here. It’s coming on January 15!