Why You Need to Trust People – Part of Chapter IV of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion” 

Why You Need to Trust People – Part of Chapter IV of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion” 

We saw in the previous article that the limiting belief (unconscious bias) that “Pain=Suffering” has 3 main subcategories:

a) “The unknown is dangerous.”

b) “I cannot trust people.” 

c) “I need to control to avoid suffering.”

Why should you care? Because these unconscious beliefs can hold you back from discovering and following your passion! We analyzed the first one, and now we move on.

b) “I cannot trust people.”

Why trust is so important to us? Why we choose to work with people we trust? It really comes down to eliminating the risk. Financial or emotional risk. The financial risk comes primarily from our fear of financial loss and fear of poverty. Now, do you remember where the latter one comes from? That’s right. From the fear of emotional and physical suffering, hence from the limiting belief that “Pain is suffering.” So, we want to trust someone to eliminate for us the emotional risk. Otherwise, we might suffer.
Nonetheless, now you do know that pain is not suffering; that a painful experience can be a great lesson along with your passion and personal growth journey. What lesson? To learn to trust people anyway; to always come from the very best intention at heart; and to learn to verify the trust by evaluating other people’s walk, not talk.

Reframe:
Trust people to learn more about them and yourself.

c) “I need to control to avoid suffering.” 

The last subcategory of the “Pain = Suffering” limiting belief is the “control” belief. “Everything needs to be in (full/absolute/perfect) control. It gives me peace of mind.” is a common thought based on this belief. Ever felt the need to have full control over as many things and people as possible? From the behavior and habits of your loved ones to micromanaging your colleagues and team at work? Ever experienced the need to plan and predict everything in advance?

Although planning and managing your time and priorities effectively are necessary skills you should have as a professional in the times we live in, overdoing it can reveal a need to eliminate the risk out of every situation and create emotional security for every outcome and situation. Forget it. People and the world are far too complex for you to control and “make sense” out of everything, as well as manage to avoid pain. It’s part of life, and it’s absolutely ok. Because, whatever happens, now you do know that you don’t have to suffer. You do know that you are the only one who chooses to suffer or not. Because pain is just an emotion, a physical sensation, and suffering is a negative thought.

Can you change it? Absolutely. So, instead of focusing on other people and the outer world, focus, as we’ve already said, in your inner world, yourself. Focus on building one of the greatest skills and virtues of all: self-mastery. How? First, change the limiting beliefs you have around suffering and control.

Reframe:
Control does not end suffering. Self-mastery does. 

Feel free to pre-order the “Find Your Passion” book to transform your career and life by visiting my personal site here. It’s coming on January 15!