How To Deal With Fear Of Judgement

”Don’t be silly/ridiculous. It’s not realistic”, ”Are you serious? It’s not going to work.”, ”What’s the matter with you?” are just a few expressions of this little voice in our head which pops up when you think and want to try out something different and uncommon. It’s quite likely that you have also heard this kind of judgements from your milieu. Could have been your family, your friends, your partner, your colleagues or classmates or just an acquaintance of yours.

The fear of being judged does constitute one of the biggest obstacles on your road to create and experience a fulfilling life. Its costs vary and can be detrimental for both your professional and personal success. From being in a relationship or a marriage either to satisfy your family’s requirements or for the sake of your social image to following a career that does not resonate with your strengths, skills and passion, fear of social judgement can have a significant impact on your life. Therefore, sooner or later, you need to deal with it effectively to achieve the goals you want to achieve but most importantly become the person you want to become.

So, how can you overcome it? There’re 4 steps to follow:

1. Recognise the impact
Aristotle in his famous work ”Nicomachean Ethics” accurately supported that ”humans are social animals”. That is, we naturally seek the companionship of others as part of our well being. Therefore, social interactions are inevitable, resulting in having an influence on us, big or small.

Personal relationships and culture determine significantly this influence. We comply most of the times with the social norms and stereotypes that conform to our culture, whether this means not talking to strangers to avoid a potential discomfort or find a high-paying job to be successful and happy in our lives. In spite of the undoubted impact of our local and national culture, personal relationships do have the lead; because the closest persons to us are those who have the biggest impact. In fact, from the moment we’re born we imitate the behaviours of our parents, ending up in incorporating at least a few of them to our personality. Later on, we interact daily with our friends and peers, adopting behaviours that are accepted by them. Why? Because we’re social animals and we have the need to fit in and be a part of a community.

2.Discover who you are and what you want
No matter how obvious it may seem, the value of self-awareness plays a key role here, although it’s often overlooked. If you don’t know your strengths and weaknesses, your beliefs and interests, the things you like and dislike, you’ll always be defined and influenced by others’ opinions. As a result, your desires, needs, dreams and aspirations are not shaped by you, but others. You can discover yourself by both taking time and space to do activities you love and trying out new things you would like to try. The more you increase your self-awareness the more you’ll be able to judge what opinions and beliefs for you resonate or don’t with your personality. Remember: You are the master of yourself. You are the master of your soul.

3.Respect and evaluate
Having a rudimentary self-awareness allows you to effectively filter others’ opinions, ideas and judgements through the filters of your beliefs and personality. At this point, you have realised that you don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t accept something or agree with someone. But how can you express your opinion transparently avoiding at the same time a potential disagreement or conflict? By respect. Expressing your opinions and beliefs does not mean you’re entitled to offend your interlocutor. Instead, respect their opinions by acknowledging their perspective and the points that you agree with if any. In this way, you both express yourself and respect others, which opens them up to listen to you and respect you.

4.Take action
Every time you have a hesitation to express yourself, give yourself full permission to do so! I challenge you to try it out in your next 50 conversations. You may well have disputes and conflicts, but in this way, you may create the opportunity to consider who are the right people to surround yourself with at your work and life; the people who not only respect you but most importantly embrace who you are and encourage you to fully express and be yourself.