How To Deal With Failure

How to deal with failure

You would probably have heard at least once in your life that success is not a straight path; on the contrary, most of the times it’s quite bumpy with mountains, torrents, cliffs, extreme temperatures and other obstacles along your way. That is, life is full of setbacks that could impede you from achieving your goals, dreams and aspirations. Therefore, you’ll face failure at least once in your life; hence you need to be ready to deal with it effectively when the time comes – and be sure there will be more –

Before diving into the effective methods of overcoming failure, it’s important first of all to define it. According to the English Oxford Dictionary, failure is ”lack of success”, ”non-success”,”non-fulfilment”, ”defeat”. In other words, the situation in which we are because we didn’t achieve a goal we set or a desire we longed for. It’s also a state that evokes our frustration and disappointment, decreasing in this way our self-confidence and self-esteem.

So, how can we deal with this state? How do we overcome this and move forward?

First of all, it’s crucial to underline that having a failure does not mean being a failure. Big difference. Having a failure is about making a mistake, which is necessary for us to keep on learning more and improving ourselves in every aspect of our life. On the other hand, being a failure means two things: a) you have not experienced success in your life – not even once – and b) you have given up your desire to seek for and pursue the things you love to have and do. So absurd is the concept of ”being a failure”. Why is it absurd? Because everyone has achieved at least once in their life a goal or a desire they wanted; from walking for the first time to being in a relationship, making new friends and landing your first job, success can take various forms. The fact that we’re constantly acknowledging more our failures than our successes is a different story.

Secondly, the absurdity of the concept of ”being a failure” is demonstrated by our own human nature: we naturally want and will always want the best for ourselves: more money, more goods, more free time, a better relationship with our friends, our partner, our family, ourselves…

Given this critical distinction, you’re now aware of how you should not perceive failure. But how should you perceive it? Learning. No matter how many times you have heard the quote ”Learn from your mistakes”, it is true and often overlooked. Mistakes are inevitable in life. But what isn’t inevitable is how you respond to your mistakes. Do you ignore them, blaming others as well as the circumstances, your luck, God, karma, the economy and political system; or do you take a pause, ponder, think what worked and what didn’t, turning them into valuable lessons and making sure you implement them daily? Easier said than done, but at the end of the day is your choice. Will you keep on paying attention to your past, condemning yourself for your mistakes? Or will you start focusing on the learning that you’ll get every time, its application as well as your own personal growth and improvement?

Nevertheless, being willing to learn from your failures is necessary but not enough for you to actually learn from them. Why? Because in an era of constant doing, full of ”busyness”, your rut, and perhaps your frenetic rhythm of life, do not allow you to take the time and space required for your learning. You want to work, spend time with your friends, your family, your partner, do things you enjoy in general, ending up finding the excuse:” I don’t have time”. Take into account that if you don’t take the time required for you to ponder on your failures, you’ll be wasting more time than you should because of your previous mistakes and the lack of learning from them.

So, what can you do to take the time and space for yourself for the sake of your learning?

There are many ways to do that. You can take a long walk – preferably in nature -, go for a coffee or a drink on your own,spending time in writing down your lessons or meditate. Last but not least,one of the most effective methods – if not the most effective – is to take some time off. From everything. Spend at least two to three days alone at a place where you can relax; from a chalet and a resort in nature to visiting a different city or country, choices are limitless. Just pick the one that relaxes you most, book your accommodation,relax, ponder, learn.

And remember: Fail and learn. Then fail more and learn more.