Overcome The Fear of Failure – Part of Chapter IV of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion”

Overcome the Fear of Failure – Part of Chapter V of the upcoming book “Find Your Passion” 

Every fear, including the fear of failure, is a thought. The majority of our thoughts come from our beliefs. These are statements that we have learned at a very early age, stored in our long-term memory and our subconscious mind. “If you fail the exams, you are a bad student.” If you make mistakes, you are unsuccessful/a failure.” That’s also why the fear of failure has held back the majority of people from discovering and following their passion. 

So, are you doomed because of what you learned in the past? Nope. You just need to change these negative beliefs. How? First, you identify them, and then you replace them for your empowering beliefs, your “truths”. That’s how you’ll release yourself from fear. We’ll classify your limiting beliefs into seven main categories, based on their impact on our results. There are, of course, many more, but they originate primarily from the top seven presented below:

1. “I am not enough to…”
2. “Pain is suffering.”
3. “Approval is love.” 
4. “It has to be either…or…”
5. Stereotypes/Overgeneralizations 
6. “Natural death is bad.” 
7. Ego beliefs 

1.  “I am not enough to…”

“I am not enough to discover and make a living at my passion”. “I am not old/young/experienced/smart/capable/creative/attractive/strong/motivated/resilient enough to find and follow my passion.” These and many more adjectives can be used here. This limiting belief can be expressed in a few subcategories:

1) Failure/Rejection

The potential limiting beliefs here are two main statements:

1. “Failure/Rejection is bad.”
2. “If I fail/get rejected/make a mistake, I am a failure/won’t be worthy/loved.”

It’s from these beliefs that fear of failure and fear of rejection originate. Unfortunately, school played a big role here; unless you went to a school where they taught you life skills, such as team spirit, leadership, resilience, adaptability, and independent thinking. Because at my school they taught us to focus on the grades, not how to learn and why it’s important to learn what we learn -they couldn’t explain the latter because most of the things we learned we never used them in our daily life. The “Failure” and “Rejection” beliefs can manifest through a thought, a little voice in your head that says something like “It’s not going to work. What if you fail? What all these people will think and say about you?”, and many more. It’s exactly these thoughts that derive from the “Failure” and “Rejection” beliefs.

Besides that, the media always promote successful people. That is, when they become successful. Very few will focus on the failures and hardships they needed to deal with before they become successful. Why? They don’t “sell” that much. That’s the modern culture we live in. As a result, a common misperception is created: “Successful people have always been successful.”

This is far away from the truth. For one to be fulfilled and successful at work, commitment, persistence, and hard work are required. So, when we fail at something, even if it’s our first time, not only do we believe that we are a failure, but we also believe that we’ll never achieve our aspirations. Unfortunately, we haven’t learned about the value of failure and rejection as great opportunities for learning, improving, and growing ourselves; neither have they told us about the hardships and multiple failures of the most passionate and successful professionals in the world.

For example, Thomas Edison and his team needed to try 10000 times before inventing the light bulb. Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time, was rejected by his high school basketball coach to participate in the school’s team. He also missed thousands of shots throughout his career before improving his technique. Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, was fired by his own company and he described this failure as the best opportunity of his life, as it allowed him to start again from scratch, as well as take the time he needed to create world-class products.

Colonel Harlan Sanders, founder of KFC, was rejected 1009 times before his chicken became globally known. At the age of 17, Albert Einstein failed the university entrance exams – only to become a Nobel Prize Winner in Physics and one of the greatest scientists in human history.

I could have been sharing stories like these all night long. But I’d also like to share a personal story with you. Just in case you think that “These people are top geniuses, one of a kind. I’m just “normal” (aka finding excuses and justifying your results). I’m normal too you know.

It’s January 17, 2018, Athens, Greece. It’s Saturday, 12:45 in the afternoon. It’s raining cats and dogs. Ι’ve been just caught in a downpour. Worst thing? I work outdoors, trying to sell door-to-door. Fortunately, I carry an umbrella with me. But still, I needed to stop working due to the weather. My boss was clear on this: “Under extreme weather conditions, we have to stop working because we jeopardize the quality of our customer service.” It made absolute sense. Imagine you find someone who wants to buy and you give them a soaked subscription form? Plus, I was working for the best marketing agency in customer service in the country.

But I needed to keep going. I needed to reach my weekly goal because I needed more money to fund my professional coaching training. But there was one more problem. Not only did I need to make one more sale, but I needed a big one. In basketball terms, I needed a big three-point shot to win, a “buzzer-beater”. The product was based on a monthly subscription, from ten to twenty euros. Although twenty per month might sound trivial, for the average Greek household is a lot. Here’s another problem: I needed to make a subscription of at least thirty euros to reach my target! The good news is that technically I could do that – There was an option in the form saying “Other amount”! “There are always exceptions to the rules”, I say to myself. I’ve talked to eighty people already, so I’m sure I’m pretty close to a “Yes”. And it must be a big one! I’ll take the risk. I’ll protect well my folder and documents and keep on going!

I can barely walk because of the downpour. But I do know that one step at a time, literally, will get me closer to my goal! Finally, I see a skyscraper. That’s it. I can reach out to so many people here. I started from the top down. 20th floor. No response. 19th floor. The same. I keep going. 18th, 17th, 16th, 15th, 14th, 13th, 12th, 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th, 7th, 6th, 5th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd, 1st! It was only on the 1st floor when a lady finally opened the door. So, I start my pitch: “Hello! How’re you? We’re from…..blah….blah…..blah”. “Sorry, I don’t think so”, she responded passively.

But I really couldn’t accept that. After ringing 100 bells, after so much rain, I just couldn’t go away. So, I started having small talk with her. Half an hour later, I left her apartment not only with a thirty euros subscription, but with a great friend in my heart.

Yes, the subscription form was intact! I couldn’t say the same for myself though. I had a fever later on that day and stayed home for three days. But guess what? It didn’t matter and I didn’t care!!! Because I did it! That day was not just a sales target I hit. It was one of the greatest victories with myself. Even more, it was a lesson that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. It’s also a lesson you should remember for the rest of your life.

Earlier in this book, in the “Growth Mindset” principle, you also learned that failure and rejection are nothing but valuable learning; for you to become a better professional and person. They are unique opportunities for growth, so you can avoid repeating the same mistakes. Besides that, they are an inevitable part of the career transition process, your passion journey; a part of the journey to reach your full potential.

Last but not least, failure and rejection are great teachers for one more reason. They test your true and authentic desire and drive to achieve what you’ve set out for. You see, it’s one thing to have goals, but it’s a completely different thing having goals that are truly meaningful to you! Almost everyone has goals, but very few people are committed to them.

Because commitment comes from within. You are committed to a goal only when it really matters to you; not when it matters for your parents, friends, colleagues, significant other, and the society you live in. Unfortunately, I came to realize that setting goals based on other people’s expectations for me is common throughout the globe! I can definitely confirm this observation!

So, when you set out for others’ dreams and aspirations, what happens? Most of the time, you give up. And if you don’t give up and succeed, you won’t be fulfilled. Success without fulfillment is life without meaning; a body without a soul; a beautifully and elegantly packaged gift box that is empty inside. There’s nothing there.

You really don’t want to be that box. You want to be a gift box full of aliveness, passion, excitement, exuberance, and fun! So, don’t buy into other people’s definition of success. You are the only one who defines success for you. That’s why we did the relevant exercise at the beginning of this book. I know. It’s easier said than done. I almost fell into this trap.

So, let’s reframe rejection and failure, shall we?

Reframe:

• Failing/Getting Rejected ≠ Being a Failure.
• Failing/Rejection = Learning/Wisdom.
• More Failures = More learning = Success.
• Love your “Nos”! The more “Nos” you get, the closer you get to your “Yes”.
• The more you get rejected, the more persistent and resilient you become.

Feel free to pre-order the “Find Your Passion” book to transform your career and life by visiting my personal site here.