Surround Yourself With The Right People

Surround Yourself With The Right People

If you grew up in an English speaking country, you may be familiar with the saying, “If you lay down with dogs you’ll get fleas”. If you have a different background, I’m 100% sure that you will also have a saying that has the same sentiments. If we lack self-confidence and direction, we often choose the wrong people to spend time with. This is not only a waste of time, but it can lead to very costly, and predictable negative consequences.

Humans are social beings. Most of us crave to belong in a group, we prefer the company of others rather than to be alone. We will spend a lot of time in the company of others – siblings, cousins, parents, teachers, friends, colleagues, lovers, and neighbours. Over the course of our life, we are exposed to hundreds of people and form many casual and serious relationships – some nurturing and joyous, and some toxic and painful.

The power of choice

 It is very difficult to reach for the stars when you have ‘friends’ pulling you back down to earth like a pair of concrete boots. If you are ready to make a change in your life and pursue a dream for a better career or other positive change, ask yourself whether the people in your life are your champions or your critics. Negativity is contagious and can easily kill a dream, especially if you are new to this type of thinking.

Three things to keep in mind are:

1. Time is precious. Most of us do not have much time to spare. We should treat our time like we treat our bank accounts, guard them and use our savings wisely. If we spend these precious moments with people who do not value us or encourage bad habits then it is like throwing our precious time away. If you would not throw money away then do not throw your time away by spending it with the wrong people.
2. Change starts with a decision. The most empowering thing you have already done is deciding to make a change to improve your life. To make any lasting change involves a range of smaller decisions to alter your behaviour. You have the freedom to consciously choose from a variety of options can be applied to friends, food, exercise, and occupation. Each choice has a natural consequence. For example, you cannot lose weight if you choose not to change your diet and level of exercise.
3. Big change = small choices + change of habits + time. You may feel ‘stuck’ at the moment and you cannot see how you can make a really big change. However, as you start the process you will be amazed at how quickly your confidence shifts as you embrace the power of choice. Your small hesitant changes will grow along with your motivation and confidence. You will start to feel passionate about bigger and bigger changes as your energy shifts from hesitant to powerful.

Science proves that bad habits are contagious

A Harvard study in 2007 proved that because humans are social beings, we often are drawn to those with higher social status than our own. We seek to belong within our social group. This tendency to seek acceptance by a group can have very bad consequences if we are not mindful.  In the same way, if we seek to improve ourselves, it is a fact, that associating with people who we consider to be successful will improve our success. Remember, that success is how YOU define it. 

If you aspire to be a top athlete you will want to read about other successful athletes and learn their tricks. You will watch their interviews on Youtube. You will watch their performances and learn from their techniques and be inspired by their determination.

By associating with the right people, we begin to assimilate their habits, their motivations, and their single-minded success. Confident people are a magnet for a reason. They draw people to them as our instincts are to learn from them.

A lesson from prison

A friend of mine works with prisoners. She is always giving me very simple advice. Her most recent gem is, “don’t go to jail”. It has started me thinking about how come some people end up in prison, their basic liberties removed and their destiny in the hands of the governor.

Contrary to popular opinion, no one is “destined” to be a criminal. Not all prisoners come from deprivation or a bad upbringing. It usually comes down to who they associated with at important stages of their life – especially when they were going through either a crisis or a transition. For example, one young man was heartbroken when his girlfriend broke off their relationship to be with another man. He was in a group of men who believed it was important to not “lose face” by losing a woman to a competitor. To save face, he was encouraged by his closest friends to kill the rival suitor. 

He achieved the acceptance in his peer group, but now he’s serving 25 years as a 22-year-old. Now you can clearly see that if he had been in a group of people who really cared about him as a person, he would have been encouraged to focus on the future, to heal and in time to fall in love with someone more worthy of him.

So ask yourself this important question – ‘Are the people that I choose to have in my life cheering for my choices to improve my life?’ Remember, a true friend ALWAYS wants what is best and enriching for you, even if they may have to sacrifice some time with you as you forge your new destiny. They want you to lead a happy, fearless and passionate life. 

If your friends aren’t in your cheer squad for change, then it’s time to surround yourself with the right ones. Fear of getting out of your comfort zone is never an excuse for those who truly want change and a better life.

How much do you long for a better life?

*Christakis, N., Fowler, J. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. New England Journal of Medicine. 357, 370-379.